Can I do this?

It's 6PM and no binging yet. Can I actually make it one whole day? I don't know why I have been able to keep it all in check; but GO ME!!

Realize, though that I've only eaten an apple, a packet of instant oatmeal, a cup of carrots, and TONS of coffee w/ creamer. But, I've kept it down and no binging...that's an accomplishment.

I called my husband and told him I needed support tonight. Yet, he's gone when I return home. I am alone in an empty house...not a good thing. I am so angry at him for leaving me here to fight this battle myself. He often says, "Why won't you let me help you?", "I can be your support so you don't feel alone.", and yet...where is he when I need him?? Is it any wonder why I don't include him in my battle with food?? He is NOT there for me, hasn't been and won't be.

Normally, I would take this raging angry and stuff it down with food. To make the angry voice dissipate. I mean, how dare I? How dare I put this pressure on him? How dare I ask for help when he puts up with all my crap? What right do I have to bother him? He's a very busy and important man; and doesn't need this added stress right??

So why didn't I do that today? Why did I come to the computer instead? The feelings and anger are still there. Is it hope? Is it that very quiet voice somewhere inside saying "Enough is Enough" and "You CAN do this; and you can do it by yourself."

I don't know the answer, but I'll take the resulting behavior. Maybe this will be the first day on my calendar without the red X representing another bad day. I'll let you know how it goes.